Grief is a strange companion, omnipresent with gentle days of silent mourning. Other times it overwhelms me and assumes control of my mind, body and spirit. Taking me to places I don’t want to go, reliving memories bittersweet, and drawing the tears from me like the worst monster I can imagine.
The days when I have no control are the hardest, when I can’t function in the “real world” afraid everyone will see me out of control, seemingly insane. It’s these days I spend alone, in torment, pain, and debilitating sorrow.
Grief brings with it all your demons, doubts, insecurities, and fears, unleashing them all in an onslaught the greatest of generals would envy. When it pauses I am left embattled, exhausted, and shell shocked, wondering when it will unleash its fury once more.
I stay in battle for as long as I can, knowing it’s the only way to survive, but sometimes I give in to distraction just to ease the pain.
Grief is indeed a strange companion. I am on a journey with it that seems never-ending. It has knocked me down more than once but we continue our walk together. Someday I know I will walk with it in silence and gratitude.
Today is not that day.