Grief is a strange companion, omnipresent with gentle days of silent mourning. Other times she overwhelms me and assumes control of my mind, body and spirit. Taking me to places I don’t want to go, reliving memories bittersweet, and drawing the tears from me like the worst monster I can imagine.
Those days are the hardest, when I have no control, when I can not function in the “real world” to afraid everyone will see me out of control, seemingly insane. It’s these days I spend alone, in torment, pain, and debilitating sorrow.
Grief brings with her all your demons, doubts, insecurities, and fears, unleashing them all in an onslaught the greatest of generals would envy. When she pauses I am left embattled, exhausted, and shell shocked, wondering when she will unleash her fury once more.
I stay in battle for as long as I can, knowing its the only way to survive, but sometimes I give in to distraction just to ease the pain.
Grief is indeed a strange companion. I am on a journey with her that seems never-ending. She has knocked me down more than once but we continue our walk together. Someday I know I will walk with her in silence and gratitude.