Urban Flower

Imagine…

We are all stardust of the universe unnaturally fragmented, broken into selfish individual pieces. Each lacking some integral part of its wholeness. 

Imagine what a world it would be if we nurtured each other, shared, cared and pooled our resources to help each other. If we strived to be a part of something bigger instead of every one being out for themselves. If we shared our natural gifts, strengths and experiences to create a better planet rather than compete for our own personal enrichment.  

Just imagine….. Imagine how full all our hearts and souls would be.  Imagine how it would feel to be as one, at peace with ourselves and our beautiful blue planet 🌏 

Just imagine……

Love, light and peace….always

Perils of a Small City

Since I moved from a large metropolitan area in Florida to a small city in NY I’ve had my share of social adjustment issues as well as the previously mentioned problems finding health care providers.

I’ve been here about nine months now and oftentimes I feel like I haven’t made any progress in my recovery journey.  Along with the time I’ve spent finding and struggling with providers comes the typical new patient curve.  As a new patient I have to begin with my history and get to know the therapist or other provider. (most of which don’t bother to read the medical records or summations I bring from my previous providers) It’s doesn’t feel productive and it doesn’t feel like progress when all I’ve done is be a new patient three times in nine months.

I have finally begun to settle in with my newest therapist and she actually did call my previous therapist (who offered to speak to my new one) and get a sense of who I am and what we had been working on.  This alone was not only satisfying but demonstrated her willingness to learn about my history not just from me but from her peer.  It’s still a less intensive therapy than I previously had but I’ve begun to accept that I’ve come far enough that maybe it’s actually what’s required.  I have the tools and I know how to use them.  I should after almost five years of continued therapy.  Of course, in the throws of a crisis, a panic attack or a stressful situation sometimes the toolbox isn’t at the ready.  Metaphorically speaking, sometimes I forget to open it, other times It’s left in the basement and in extreme circumstances I forget I even have one.  That’s all to be expected and with practice and exposure I’m hopeful that using my tools will improve.

The other peril of being in a smaller area is that it makes finding exposures, things to do and places to go, harder to find.  It is more difficult to get out of my safety bubble. I’ve been keeping up on the smaller stuff, visiting stores, parks, and stretching my range as best as I can to keep myself in practice and to avoid the feeling of regression, but lately I really feel the need for a bigger push. Now that spring is finally here (winter saps motivation) it’s my goal, along with my therapist, to come up with some more challenging exposures.

As for a complete adjustment to this area, I don’t think it will ever happen. It’s just not where I want to be.  I’m doing the best I can but I look forward to leaving when my partner finishes grad school.